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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Person
Exactly
Might
Deserve
Giving
Confidence
Things
Sort
Like
Getting
Universe
Give
Straightened
Persons
Deserves

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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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It is the anonymous they, the enigmatic they who are in charge. Who is they? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even they themselves.
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A man's head is his castle.
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Yossarian decided to change the subject. Now you're changing the subject. he pointed out diplomatically. I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
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Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.
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