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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
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Universe
Give
Straightened
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More quotes by Joseph Heller

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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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Insanity is contagious.
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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I've come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all right, so it couldn't be too difficult for me.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
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And anything worth dying for
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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The body stores the trauma of our lives in muscular rigidity, thereby keeping us stuck in the past. When we release the tension in the body and align ourselves with gravity, we take a new stand in life. This allows us to be at ease with ourselves and in harmony in our relationship to others and to our planet.
Joseph Heller