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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Universe
Give
Straightened
Persons
Deserves
Person
Exactly
Might
Deserve
Giving
Confidence
Things
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
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All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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