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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Military
Wells
Well
Feel
Feels
Damned
Way
Certainly
Fool
Wouldn

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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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Insanity is contagious.
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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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