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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Well
Feel
Feels
Damned
Way
Certainly
Fool
Wouldn
Military
Wells

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I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
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All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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And anything worth dying for
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Insanity is contagious.
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I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
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All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
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The enemy, retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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What is a country? A country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. Englishmen are dying for England, Americans are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for.
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Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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