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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
Joseph Heller
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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Unfit
Examined
Thoroughly
Discovered
Service
Military
Pretty
Funny
More quotes by Joseph Heller
There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
Joseph Heller
There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
Joseph Heller
What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
Joseph Heller
I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings.
Joseph Heller
The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
Joseph Heller
Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
Joseph Heller
Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
Joseph Heller
If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
Joseph Heller
They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.
Joseph Heller
He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret
Joseph Heller
In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
Joseph Heller
I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
Joseph Heller
Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
Joseph Heller
Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
Joseph Heller
If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?
Joseph Heller
Now you've given them hope, and they're unhappy. So the blame is all yours.
Joseph Heller
mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
Joseph Heller
The enemy, retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.
Joseph Heller
History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
Joseph Heller
When people disagreed with him he urged them to be objective.
Joseph Heller
