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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Service
Military
Pretty
Funny
Unfit
Examined
Thoroughly
Discovered

More quotes by Joseph Heller

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The enemy, retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.
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It is the anonymous they, the enigmatic they who are in charge. Who is they? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even they themselves.
Joseph Heller
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I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings.
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Everybody is as unstable as water.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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If character is destiny, the good are damned.
Joseph Heller
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
Joseph Heller
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What is a country? A country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. Englishmen are dying for England, Americans are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for.
Joseph Heller
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
Joseph Heller
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
Joseph Heller
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
Joseph Heller
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
Joseph Heller
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You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.
Joseph Heller
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I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
Joseph Heller
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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
Joseph Heller
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When people disagreed with him he urged them to be objective.
Joseph Heller
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
Joseph Heller
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
Joseph Heller
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When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'
Joseph Heller
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
Joseph Heller