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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Examined
Thoroughly
Discovered
Service
Military
Pretty
Funny
Unfit

More quotes by Joseph Heller

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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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If character is destiny, the good are damned.
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You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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Yossarian decided to change the subject. Now you're changing the subject. he pointed out diplomatically. I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.
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Rise above principal and do what's right.
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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
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I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.
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I've come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all right, so it couldn't be too difficult for me.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
Joseph Heller
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There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.
Joseph Heller
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
Joseph Heller
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
Joseph Heller