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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
Joseph Heller
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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Examined
Thoroughly
Discovered
Service
Military
Pretty
Funny
Unfit
More quotes by Joseph Heller
All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
Joseph Heller
Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
Joseph Heller
And anything worth dying for
Joseph Heller
I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
Joseph Heller
All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
Joseph Heller
Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
Joseph Heller
Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
Joseph Heller
What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
Joseph Heller
I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
Joseph Heller
There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
Joseph Heller
The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
Joseph Heller
¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨
Joseph Heller
He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
Joseph Heller
If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?
Joseph Heller
Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
Joseph Heller
How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
Joseph Heller
I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
Joseph Heller
I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
Joseph Heller
Rise above principal and do what's right.
Joseph Heller
When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'
Joseph Heller
