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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Sides
Enemy
Wisdom
Peace
War
Killed
Death
Suicide
Matter
Anybody
Going
Side

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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
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It is the anonymous they, the enigmatic they who are in charge. Who is they? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even they themselves.
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Insanity is contagious.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.
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Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret
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