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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Death
Suicide
Matter
Anybody
Going
Side
Sides
Enemy
Wisdom
Peace
War
Killed

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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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He was a self-made man who owed his lack of success to nobody.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
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In short, Clevinger was one of those people with lots of intelligence and no brains, and everyone knew it except those who soon found it out.
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