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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Death
Keep
Like
Lady
Couldn

More quotes by Joseph Heller

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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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Yossarian decided to change the subject. Now you're changing the subject. he pointed out diplomatically. I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.
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Let's take a drive into the middle of nowhere with a packet of Marlboro lights and talk about our lives.
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family.
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I think in every country that there is at least one executive who is scared of going crazy.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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There is no disappointment so numbing...as someone no better than you achieving more.
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You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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A man's head is his castle.
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It's a wise person, I guess, who knows he's dumb, and an honest person who knows he's a liar. And it's a dumb person, I guess, whose convinced he's wise...-Bob Slocum
Joseph Heller