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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Lady
Couldn
Death
Keep
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More quotes by Joseph Heller

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Nately had a bad start. He came from a good family.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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Insanity is contagious.
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I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
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I want to keep my dreams, even bad ones, because without them, I might have nothing all night long.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
Joseph Heller
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
Joseph Heller
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
Joseph Heller
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
Joseph Heller