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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Frankly
Rain
Rains
Captain
Wet
Captains
Answered

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I wouldn't want to live without strong misgivings.
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I don't believe in miracles because it's been a long time since we've had any.
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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The laws of nature are only as immutable as the minds which promote them. Ignorance of the law is 9/10ths of the law. Just because you aren't paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?
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where are the snowdens of yesteryear?
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Everybody is as unstable as water.
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¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨
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If character is destiny, the good are damned.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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