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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Made
Blunted
Ineptitude
Service
Genius
Months
Proud

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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.
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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.
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Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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Yossarian decided to change the subject. Now you're changing the subject. he pointed out diplomatically. I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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It is the anonymous they, the enigmatic they who are in charge. Who is they? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even they themselves.
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When people disagreed with him he urged them to be objective.
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There's a rule saying I have to ground anyone who's crazy ... There's a catch. Catch-22. Anyone who wants to get out of combat duty isn't really crazy.
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All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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There was no telling what people might find out once they felt free to ask whatever questions they wanted to.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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