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It made him proud that 29 months in the service had not blunted his genius for ineptitude.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Blunted
Ineptitude
Service
Genius
Months
Proud
Made

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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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The enemy, retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.
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The enemy is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on.
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Insanity is contagious.
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You're an intelligent person of great moral character who has taken a very courageous stand. I'm an intelligent person with no moral character at all, so I'm in an ideal position to appreciate it.
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Under Colonel Korn's rule, the only people permitted to ask questions were those who never did.
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Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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They couldn't keep Death out, but while she was in she had to act like a lady.
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Hungry Joe collected lists of fatal diseases and arranged them in alphabetical order so that he could put his finger without delay on any one he wanted to worry about.
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I can't start writing until I have a closing line.
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The country was in peril he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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All of our religions but the Judaic and the Greek think more of us dead than alive.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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Rise above principal and do what's right.
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