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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Grows
Inspirational
Littles
Little
Play
Children
Son
Grow
Boys

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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.
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He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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The night was full of horrors, and he thought he knew how Christ must have felt as he walked through the world, like a psychiatrist through a ward full of nuts.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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Everything passes. (That's what makes it endurable.)
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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¨ Oh, I´m not complaining. I know there´s a war on. I know a lot of people are going to have to suffer for us to win it. But why must I be one of them?¨
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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And anything worth dying for
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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
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Everybody is as unstable as water.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
Joseph Heller