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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Play
Children
Son
Grow
Boys
Grows
Inspirational
Littles
Little

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How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of Creation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatological mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements?
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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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The enemy, retorted Yossarian with weighted precision, is anybody who's going to get you killed, no matter which side he's on, and that includes Colonel Cathcart. And don't you forget that, because the longer you remember it, the longer you might live.
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
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mankind is resilient: the atrocities that horrified us a week ago become acceptable tomorrow.
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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Only Hungry Joe had something better to do each time he finished his missions. He had screaming nightmares and won fist fights with Huple's cat.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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Where were you born? On a battlefield, [Yossarian] answered. No, no. In what state were you born? In a state of innocence.
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Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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Every writer I know has trouble writing.
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Death to all modifiers, he declared one day, and out of every letter that passed through his hands went every adverb and every adjective.
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I've come to look upon death the same way I look upon root-canal work. Everyone else seems to get through it all right, so it couldn't be too difficult for me.
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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If God was dead, how could I feel this bad?
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The country was in peril he was jeopardizing his traditional rights of freedom and independence by daring to exercise them.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
Joseph Heller