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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Boys
Grows
Inspirational
Littles
Little
Play
Son
Children
Grow

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If Richard Nixon was second-rate, what in the world is third-rate?
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I'll tell you what justice is. Justice is a knee in the gut from the floor on the chin at night sneaky with a knife brought up down on the magazine of a battleship sandbagged underhanded in the dark without a word of warning
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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.
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Destiny is a good thing to accept when it's going your way. When it isn't, don't call it destiny call it injustice, treachery, or simple bad luck.
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Something did happen to me somewhere that robbed me of confidence and courage and left me with a fear of discovery and change and a positive dread of everything unknown that may occur.
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I am miracle ingredient Z-247. I'm immense. I'm a real, slam-bang, honest-to-goodness, three-fisted humdinger. I'm a bona fide supraman.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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He was sick with lust and mesmerized with regret
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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Prostitution gives her an opportunity to meet people. It provides fresh air and wholesome exercise, and it keeps her out of trouble.
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What is a country? A country is a piece of land surrounded on all sides by boundaries, usually unnatural. Englishmen are dying for England, Americans are dying for America, Germans are dying for Germany, Russians are dying for Russia. There are now fifty or sixty countries fighting in this war. Surely so many countries can't all be worth dying for.
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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.
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When I read something saying I've not done anything as good as 'Catch-22' I'm tempted to reply, 'Who has?'
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...[A]nything worth dying for ... is certainly worth living for.
Joseph Heller