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He knew everything about literature except how to enjoy it.

Joseph Heller

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Joseph Heller
Age: 76 †
Born: 1923
Born: May 1
Died: 1999
Died: December 10
Autobiographer
Journalist
Novelist
Playwright
Prosaist
Screenwriter
Writer
New York City
New York
Except
Knew
Literature
Enjoy
Everything
Hygiene
Sarcastic

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What do you do when it rains? The captain answered frankly. I get wet.
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Rise above principal and do what's right.
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The promises of maniacs, like those of women, are not safely relied upon.
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In the long run, failure was the only thing that worked predictably. All else was accidental.
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It is the anonymous they, the enigmatic they who are in charge. Who is they? I don't know. Nobody knows. Not even they themselves.
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Gold was not altogether certain what, anatomically, a gorge was, but he knew that his was rising.
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Peace on earth would mean the end of civilization as we know it.
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I could not write about a subject sacred to me because I would be too flippant. Fortunately, there are no subjects sacred to me.
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I think that maybe inside any business, there is someone slowly going crazy
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Hasn't it ever occurred to you that in your promiscuous pursuit of women you are merely trying to assuage your subconscious fears of sexual impotence? Yes, sir, it has. Then why do you do it? To assuage my fears of sexual impotence.
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When I grow up I want to be a little boy.
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I don't understand the process of imagination-though I know that I am very much at its mercy.
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Well then I'd certainly be a damned fool to feel any other way, wouldn't I?
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History was a trash bag of random coincidences torn open in a wind. Surely, Watt with his steam engine, Faraday with his electric motor, and Edison with his incandescent light bulb did not have it as their goal to contribute to a fuel shortage some day that would place their countries at the mercy of Arab oil.
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From men motivated by moral certitude, history teaches, no lasting good ever comes.
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Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.
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Nurse Duckett found Yossarian wonderful and was already trying to change him.
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For war there is always enough. It's peace that's expensive.
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Just for once I'd like to see all these things sort of straightened out, with each person getting exactly what he deserves. It might give me some confidence in this universe.
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