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I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day and said, I'm going to sit here in a ball and rock back and forth. And won't you join me for a half hour of sadness.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Shows
Rocks
Join
Back
Wouldn
Perform
Going
Came
Ball
Hours
Forth
Interesting
Sadness
Half
Balls
Show
Hour
Jobs
Rock

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.
Jon Stewart
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Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.
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When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
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The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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The American people, or at least the ones that I get on the subway with - they know there's a real threat out there. They felt like Iraq lessened our ability to fight that threat.
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Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work.
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I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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Senior year is supposed to be about being mentally done.
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Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.
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A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off.
Jon Stewart
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
Jon Stewart
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Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.
Jon Stewart
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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?
Jon Stewart
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
Jon Stewart
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There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
Jon Stewart