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War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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The real challenge is when I'm at work, I'm at work. I'm locked in, I'm ready to go, I'm focused. When I'm at home, I'm locked in and I'm ready to go and I'm focused on home. We don't watch the show. We don't watch the news. We don't do any of that stuff. I sit down, I play Barbies. And sometimes the kids will come home and play with me.
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.
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It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.
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Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
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People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it.
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It's very hard to feel the difficulties that the military goes through. It's very hard to feel the difficulties of military families, unless you're in that environment. And sometimes you have to force yourself to try and put yourself in other people's sort of shoes and environment to get the sense of that.
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I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place.
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The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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