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War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.
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Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
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I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.
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There is no such thing as an impartial jury because there are no impartial people. There are people that argue on the web for hours about who their favorite character on 'Friends' is.
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Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.
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On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
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The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.
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That's the Senate Ethics Committee, an oxymoron since 1973.
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Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.
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The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion of Islam. Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
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I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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