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War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
War
Country
Years
Affect
Way
Hasn
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Imagine
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Five
More quotes by Jon Stewart
Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.
Jon Stewart
Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, fair and balanced? Why, that's snide! Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan You Can Depend on CNN. Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.
Jon Stewart
If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
Jon Stewart
The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay.
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
Jon Stewart
You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want.
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
Jon Stewart
I focus on the task and try and do it as best we can. And we're constantly evolving it, because it's my way of trying to make sense of all these ambivalent feelings I have.
Jon Stewart
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
Jon Stewart
College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
Jon Stewart
Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.
Jon Stewart
I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place.
Jon Stewart
Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
Jon Stewart
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
Jon Stewart
