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I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Thinking
People
Selection
Hole
Holes
Gay
Straight
Use
Matter

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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
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Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
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I'll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have, for religion -we protect religion- and talk about a lifestyle choice! That is absolutely a choice. Gay people don't choose to be gay. At what age did you choose not to be gay?
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Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work.
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I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.
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At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?
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The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
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I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.
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Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.
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What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, sup?
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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I have a lot of hostility.
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I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.
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Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.
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It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.
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The government that governs best, governs best!
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Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed.
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