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I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Hole
Holes
Gay
Straight
Use
Matter
Thinking
People
Selection

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
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The President says, We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come.
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Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.
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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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I focus on the task and try and do it as best we can. And we're constantly evolving it, because it's my way of trying to make sense of all these ambivalent feelings I have.
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[John McCain] stopped connecting and just looked at my chest and decided, I'm just gonna continue to talk about honor and duty and the families should be proud, all the things that are cudgels emotionally to keep us from the conversation. But, things that weren't relevant to what we were talking about.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.
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I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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Our show is obviously at a disadvantage with any of the other news shows we're competing against. For one thing, we are fake. They are not. So in terms of credibility, we are ... well, oddly enough we're about even.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
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As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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Nathan Lane's Bus of Broadway Fun will be leaving shortly.
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Nineteen people flew into the towers. It seems hard for me to imagine that we could go to war enough to make the world safe enough that nineteen people wouldn't want to do harm to us. So it seems like we have to rethink a strategy that is less military-based.
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The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life, is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.
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Making it [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.
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