Quote

I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.

Jon Stewart

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Well
Sounds
Giving
Sing
Every
Sound
Never
Voice
Would
Give
Men
Anything
Dunk
Able
Voices
Wells
Impression

More quotes by Jon Stewart

Image
What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, sup?
Jon Stewart
Image
The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
Jon Stewart
Image
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Jon Stewart
Image
What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?
Jon Stewart
Image
Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
Jon Stewart
Image
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
Jon Stewart
Image
It's like hunting cows
Jon Stewart
Image
I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
Jon Stewart
Image
California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
Jon Stewart
Image
As a comedian, as a person, as a citizen, as a mammal - in all of those areas, I am looking forward to the end of the Bush administration with every fiber of my being.
Jon Stewart
Image
Technology. It's like science, only useless.
Jon Stewart
Image
And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
Jon Stewart
Image
As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
Jon Stewart
Image
People don't understand that we're not warriors in their cause. We're a group of people that really feel that they want to write jokes about the absurdity that we see in government and the world and all that, and that's it.
Jon Stewart
Image
McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
Jon Stewart
Image
Comedy is the only form of entertainment where the audience doesn't know what to expect. In an evening, you might get ten comics doing ten different things. That's not what happens when you go to hear music. There isn't a classical performance followed by a hoedown followed by rap.
Jon Stewart
Image
When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
Jon Stewart
Image
A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off.
Jon Stewart
Image
To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.
Jon Stewart
Image
The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
Jon Stewart