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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Like
Watching
Argue
Create
Soccer
Sort
Arguing
Understand
Ball
Even
Pick
Things
Balls
Time
Picks
Thinking
Rules
Amused

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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.'
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Nobody out-rednecks the great state of America.
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Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!
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It really does seem that the Democrat's problem isn't that they're calling for timetables - it's that they're calling them 'timetables'. You're up against Bush and the Republicans - you've got to bring some zing. Don't call them timetables - call them 'Patriot Dates', 'Freedom Deadlines'... 'Glory Goals'.
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I don't think marijuana should be illegal.
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
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When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty.
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
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Yes, the long war on Christianity. I pray that one day we may live in an America where Christians can worship freely! In broad daylight! Openly wearing the symbols of their religion... perhaps around their necks? And maybe -- dare I dream it? -- maybe one day there can be an openly Christian President. Or, perhaps, 43 of them. Consecutively.
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It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.
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Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
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They may want to insist that corporations are people but corporations are certainly not Americans.
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