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In 1982 I was playing soccer at William and Mary, and a kid from Randolph-Macon called me a kike. I ran after him. 'I'm not a... well, yes I am.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Playing
Called
Kids
Randolph
Wells
Macon
Well
William
Ran
Mary
Soccer

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent.
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Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
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I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
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Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
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Really, an historic night last night. You may have heard, Barack Obama will be the first black president of the United States of America. ... Obama is also the first Democrat to receive more than 50 percent of the vote since Jimmy Carter, the first senator to be elected since Jack Kennedy, the first Muslim to be ... I said too much.
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People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again.
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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Nobody cares that Mitt Romney is rich. It’s Romney’s inability to understand the institutional advantage that he gains from the government’s tax code largesse that’s a little offensive to people. Especially considering Romney’s view on anyone else who looks to the government for things like, I don’t know, food and medicine.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.
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