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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Things
Comedian
Hopefully
Jokes
Case
Limits
Crummy
Cases
Afterward
Take
Shower
Always
Showers

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
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If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
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It's always funny until the hooker mentions her son.
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The value of holding a grudge. And to always refer to my father sarcastically as Mr. Wonderful.
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If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it.
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The conversation that the Senate and the House are having with the President [Barack Obama] was very similar to the conversation that [John] McCain and I were having, which was two people talking over each other and nobody really addressing the underlying issues of what kind of country do we want to be.
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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
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Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.
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The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.
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The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco.
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Following revelations that he fathered a love child, the good Reverend Jesse Jackson - or should we say the 'very' good Reverend - is enduring the scandal with the help of family and friends. A scandal which gives clearer meaning to the Rainbow Coalition's Operation 'Push'.
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The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.
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How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
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The overwhelming condemnation makes it clear we have made enormous progress in teaching everyone that racism is bad. Where we seem to have dropped the ball... is in teaching people what racism actually is ... which allows people to say incredibly racist things while insisting they would never.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed.
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You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
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