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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Always
Showers
Things
Comedian
Hopefully
Jokes
Case
Limits
Crummy
Cases
Afterward
Take
Shower

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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Capote, of course, addressed very similar themes to Good Night and Good Luck. Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.
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I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else.
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
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At the end of your life, do you give a concession speech?
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[Doogal] wasn't even animated. It was still and the audience had to move.
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Any fool can blow something up. Any fool can destroy. But to see these guys, these firefighters and these policemen and people from all over the country, literally with buckets, rebuilding... that's extraordinary. And that's why we have already won... they can't... it's light. It's democracy. They can't shut that down.
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
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I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.
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Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
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If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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I've always run by the hierarchy of If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
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