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High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Never
Cracks
People
Awake
Stay
Somebody
High
Looking
School
Sometimes
Crack
More quotes by Jon Stewart
Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.
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I feel like [God]'s hazing us.
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If you are a minority or an interest group, the Democrats will hold the debate at your house. Whereas Republicans take a slightly different approach: they have a big tent - you're just not allowed in it.
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
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Isn't it amazing what scientists can accomplish when no one makes them stop?
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It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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If you smell something, say something.
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It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.
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I don't consider myself a serious and social political critic.
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You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls. What is wrong with you?
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Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.
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There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
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I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
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Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.
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Donald Rumsfeld. Love him or hate him, you've gotta admit: a lot of people hate him.
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