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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Feeling
Crap
Year
Staring
Hope
Comedian
Feelings
Pleasant
Years
Basically
Good
Cause
Like
Stand
Craps
World
Causes
Stare

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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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You've confused a war on your religion with not always getting everything you want.
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The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!'
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President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader.
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It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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[CNN, USA Today] they've got 24 hours to fill. You know, how many times can Anna Nicole Smith's baby get a new father?
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I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.
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When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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In Iraq, the U.S. military's whack-a-mole approach to killing Saddam Hussein may have finally paid off. The bombs destroyed the area and left behind a 60-foot crater, or as coalition forces prefer to call it: a freedom hole.
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Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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No health care for poor kids? You know, I thought something like that was only done by cartoon villains. You're (Pres. Bush) slowly going from being Nixon to Mr. Burns.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.
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