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Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Impersonal
Cold
Democracy
Science
Made

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
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Do you know how many movies I wrote when I was high?
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.
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In 1982 I was playing soccer at William and Mary, and a kid from Randolph-Macon called me a kike. I ran after him. 'I'm not a... well, yes I am.
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It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.
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Don't worry, as long as America still has natural resources, you guys are okay.
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I've always run by the hierarchy of If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
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Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
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I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.
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If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
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Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.
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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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Everybody thought Barack Obama was going to [inspire people] when he came to Washington, but, you know, the Senate seems like the place where smart people go to die.
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
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Is listening to Pink Floyd in the dark a medical condition?
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Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!
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Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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