Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
Jon Stewart
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
May
Going
Amend
Hay
Shouldn
Constitution
Keep
More quotes by Jon Stewart
I feel much more strongly about the abdication of responsibility by the media than by political advocates. They're representing a constituency.
Jon Stewart
If everything is amplified, we hear nothing.
Jon Stewart
There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!
Jon Stewart
The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
Jon Stewart
Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.
Jon Stewart
There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
Jon Stewart
Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
Jon Stewart
Critics have noted Schwarzenegger's only previous government experience was serving under President Bush senior as Chairman of the Council of Physical Fitness, a largely symbolic office, where Schwarzenegger's only responsibility was doing hundreds of jumping jacks he was going to do anyway.
Jon Stewart
But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as funny as we can possibly make it. And believe me, if the show starts going down, we'll introduce a baby. We'll do everything that they did on `Family Ties.' I'm not afraid of that.
Jon Stewart
Democrats do have a historic race going. Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Normally, when you see a black man or a woman president an asteroid is about to hit the Statue of Liberty.
Jon Stewart
President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent.
Jon Stewart
Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.
Jon Stewart
[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.
Jon Stewart
Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
Jon Stewart
Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.
Jon Stewart
Planet Hollywood has shrunk from seventy-five locations around the world to just over thirty-five over the past two years. No new Planet Hollywoods are opening, which in turn has caused a 100 percent decline in opportunities for Bruce Willis to play the harmonica.
Jon Stewart
9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
Jon Stewart
I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'
Jon Stewart
War that hasn't affected us here, in the way that you would imagine a five-year war would affect a country.
Jon Stewart
Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
Jon Stewart