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If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent. If I can be competent, and have moments of originality, that's all I would ask for.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Things
Majority
Would
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Goes
Asks
Moments
Long
Really
Competent
Way
Originality

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Sitting around with funny people, banging out jokes and creating a television show. I have no hobbies, no outside interests. I'm fine with spending 14 hours a day putting a show together with tape and string.
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I think that, if we do anything in a positive sense for the world, is provide one little bit of context, that's very specifically focused, and hopefully people can add to their entire puzzle that gives them a larger picture of what it is that they see.
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Glenn Beck does have a dream. Unfortunately, it's the kind of dream you have when you eat four pepperoni hot pockets right before bed.
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Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.
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A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
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As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
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Here in the U.S., we've made democracy into a science. A cold, impersonal science.
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Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song.
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That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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The only time a politico will try to avoid playing the blame game is when they or theirs are to blame.
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco.
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I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
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I remember having a grade-school teacher I thought was a hard-ass. When you're that age, you think the guy is Himmler. Then you visit him eight years later and he's wearing polyester pants, he's four foot eight, you think he's gay, and you're like, 'Are you the guy I was afraid of?
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