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If I could be really competent, that goes such a long way toward things, because the majority of things are not competent. If I can be competent, and have moments of originality, that's all I would ask for.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Goes
Asks
Moments
Long
Really
Competent
Way
Originality
Things
Majority
Would
Toward

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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I don't consider myself a serious and social political critic.
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The overwhelming condemnation makes it clear we have made enormous progress in teaching everyone that racism is bad. Where we seem to have dropped the ball... is in teaching people what racism actually is ... which allows people to say incredibly racist things while insisting they would never.
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I wonder who really is the change candidate? It can't be both of them [Hillary Clinton & Barak Obama]. What would be a black man and a woman - how could that be different than the 43 other Presidents we've had?
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I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'
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Here's the way I look at it. President Bush has uranium-tipped bunker busters and I have puns. I think he'll be OK.
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Jazz musicians are the coolest people on the planet. Can I have some cool?
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.
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I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
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That's what it's like to be a comedian. You basically stand and stare at the world and hope it craps out cause that's a good year for you. So that's not a pleasant feeling.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
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The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
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As long as I don't end up hosting a skin care commercial with Cher, I'm happy.
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I'm less upset with politicians than the media. I feel like politicians, there is a certain, inherent - you know, the way I always explain it is, when you go to the zoo and a monkey throws its feces, it's a monkey. But, when the zookeeper is standing right there, and he doesn't say bad monkey... Somebody's got to be the zookeeper.
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