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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Rapture
Plan
Ultimate
Republican
Plans
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More quotes by Jon Stewart

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So Fox News is the voice of America and Obama is Stalin? Oh my God! I guess that makes me Yakov Smirnoff.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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Bush's popularity is at 40% in South America? He could be their president!
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The press has bravely and nobly eroded the public trust... What I'm advocating is the media come work for us again. Remove themselves from the symbiotic relationship that they have developed with the power structure of corporations and of the politicians.
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The government that governs best, governs best!
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It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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My buddy Tim Bass he's a-workin' pumpin gas, and he makes two fifty for an hour. He's got rhythm in his hands as he's tappin' on the cans, sings rock and roll in the shower.
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That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you want that? Go to Canada my friend. Believe me, rocks and snow are overrated. I've seen otters - they look better covered in oil.
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In what is perhaps the strangest turn in the President's efforts to rally support, he agreed that Iraq is just like Vietnam, but in a good way.
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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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Some people look at a glass and see it as half-full. Others look at a glass and call it a dragon.
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What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.
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I'll tell you this: Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality. And the protections that we have, for religion -we protect religion- and talk about a lifestyle choice! That is absolutely a choice. Gay people don't choose to be gay. At what age did you choose not to be gay?
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9/11 references are like Lay's potato chips...no Congress can make just one.
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We hear every damn day about how fragile our country is - on the brink of catastrophe - torn by polarizing hate, and how it's a shame that we can't work together to get things done, but the truth is we do. We work together to get things done every damn day!
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
Jon Stewart