Quote

I feel like [God]'s hazing us.

Jon Stewart

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Hazing
Feel
Feels
Like

More quotes by Jon Stewart

Image
Everything is presented in as devious a manner as it could possibly be presented.
Jon Stewart
Image
Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
Jon Stewart
Image
The nation of Dubai banned the movie Charlie's Angles because it's offensive to the religion of Islam. Apparently, the religion of Islam is offended by anything without a plot.
Jon Stewart
Image
I don't care about wealth. What seems to be upsetting is institutionalizing the advantages that wealth gives you.
Jon Stewart
Image
So, is there hope for a truly democratic Africa? Long answer: Only if continent-wide improvements in education, human rights and public health are coupled with an aggressive and far-sighted debt-relief program that breaks the cycle of subsistence farming and urban squalor. Short answer: No.
Jon Stewart
Image
In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
Jon Stewart
Image
We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
Jon Stewart
Image
When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
Jon Stewart
Image
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
Jon Stewart
Image
Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.
Jon Stewart
Image
Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
Jon Stewart
Image
I know that my job is to perform, it wouldn't be a very interesting show if I just came out one day and said, I'm going to sit here in a ball and rock back and forth. And won't you join me for a half hour of sadness.
Jon Stewart
Image
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
Jon Stewart
Image
I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
Jon Stewart
Image
Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.
Jon Stewart
Image
I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.
Jon Stewart
Image
There is going to come a day when everyone here is going to need keen observation and wit to ridicule George W. Bush. But when that day comes, all we're going to have are tired puns and goofy looks. Because as you would say, we're suffering from the soft bigotry of low expectorations.
Jon Stewart
Image
The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco.
Jon Stewart
Image
If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?
Jon Stewart
Image
Fire up your heart for the wind is getting cold, now it always gets cold for the riders of the night. When you carry that dream when you know what lonesome is looking for a home like a bird in flight.
Jon Stewart