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New York City isn't Chuck E. Cheese. We don't have ball pits for the kids to play in. We have titty bars and crack.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Play
Cheese
Bars
Ball
Balls
York
Chuck
City
Pits
Cities
Crack
Kids
Cracks
More quotes by Jon Stewart
I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
Jon Stewart
Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.
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On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
Jon Stewart
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.
Jon Stewart
And try as I might, I am having difficulty giving a f**k.
Jon Stewart
I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.
Jon Stewart
[The conversation with John McCain] is not about being a pacifist or- suggesting that you can never have a military solution to things. It's just that, it appears that this is not the smart way to fight this threat.
Jon Stewart
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
Jon Stewart
What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square. It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, sup?
Jon Stewart
The overwhelming condemnation makes it clear we have made enormous progress in teaching everyone that racism is bad. Where we seem to have dropped the ball... is in teaching people what racism actually is ... which allows people to say incredibly racist things while insisting they would never.
Jon Stewart
The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
Jon Stewart
We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
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The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
Jon Stewart
Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.
Jon Stewart
To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.
Jon Stewart
If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
Jon Stewart
The danger of oppression is not just being oppressed, it's becoming an oppressor.
Jon Stewart
Technology. It's like science, only useless.
Jon Stewart
