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Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Clearly
Older
Everyone
Way

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.
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[John McCain] didn't believe me. I think anybody who's been in a POW camp for five years can - take eight minutes on The Daily Show.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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As we approach the millennium with sort of the idea that society is going to start spiraling into chaos, I'd love to be making jokes about that. Who wants to miss out on that? If the world is going to end, I want to be there the night before, goofing off.
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We declared war on terror-it's not even a noun, so, good luck.
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.
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I don't consider myself a serious and social political critic.
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Here it is. My moment of zen.
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But our perfect democracy, which neither needs nor particularly wants voters, is a rarity. It is important to remember there still exist many other forms of government in the world today, and that dozens of foreign governments still long for a democracy such as ours to be imposed on them.
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Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
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Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
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Everybody wrings their hands about Fox News. You know, fair and balanced? Why, that's snide! Yeah, okay, maybe they're not fair and balanced, but CNN used to have the slogan You Can Depend on CNN. Guess what? I watch it, no you can't. So what's the difference?
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
Jon Stewart
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That whole thing has been overstated by environmentalists. First of all, what is it, rocks and snow? C'mon, what is that, you want that? Go to Canada my friend. Believe me, rocks and snow are overrated. I've seen otters - they look better covered in oil.
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Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.
Jon Stewart