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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Sound
Ever
Might
Sprite
Like
Thirst
Commercial
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Died
Greatest

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Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.
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How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
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A guy who says what people who aren't thinking are thinking.
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I still do not understand how a corporation can have person-hood if it has no soul and never dies.
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Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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It's like hunting cows
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The President says, We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come.
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Who cares how we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons if we avoided a war and got a dictator to give up his chemical weapons.
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One of the things that I do think government counts on is that people are busy. And it's very difficult to mobilize a busy and relatively affluent country, unless it's over really crucial- you know, foundational issues.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
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Corporations are the only reason the tax code is so complicated in the first place. Those off-shore loopholes didn't get carved out by poor people.
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I've always run by the hierarchy of If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
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What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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Making it [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.
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