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Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Folks
Broken
Brain
Think
Thinking
Honestly

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In 1982 I was playing soccer at William and Mary, and a kid from Randolph-Macon called me a kike. I ran after him. 'I'm not a... well, yes I am.
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Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
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Usually when Obama says, 'Let me be clear,' he's about to get into some very unclear sh*t.
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Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
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For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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The last thing we'll hear is some scientist saying 'It works!'
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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Wow, the entire network of anchors has been hired to be the press secretary.
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I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles.
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Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.
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This show is our own personal beliefs.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
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[President Bush] recently challenged Iraqi soldiers still fighting U.S. troops like so: ... 'My answer is bring 'em on.' For those of you who may be criticizing Bush for acting like a movie cowboy, let me remind you. He's actually acting more like a movie cheerleader.
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