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Honestly, folks, I think my brain is broken.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Honestly
Folks
Broken
Brain
Think
Thinking

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Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.
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Technology. It's like science, only useless.
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Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?
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What's it called when a hellhole hits a cataclysm? A catastro[phrack]. I just coined that, didn't I?
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61% of graduating teens have had sex, 37% will eventually have sex, and 2% become statisticians.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
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Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.
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The American people, or at least the ones that I get on the subway with - they know there's a real threat out there. They felt like Iraq lessened our ability to fight that threat.
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If the guy in front of you at the polls has arm swords, you might want to considering filling out an absentee ballot.
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You can use your idealism to further your aims, if you realize that nothing is Nirvana, nothing is perfect.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
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It's the same argument people say about the blogs. The blogs are responsible. No, they're not. The blogs are like anything else. You judge each one based on its own veracity and intelligence and all of that.
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Parenthood is an amazing opportunity to be able to ruin someone from scratch.
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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.
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High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.
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I like not to be good at anything, so I keep hopping around.
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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.
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I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.
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