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People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
People
Puns
Pun
Stuff
Give
Giving
Good
More quotes by Jon Stewart
Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again.
Jon Stewart
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
Jon Stewart
The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
Jon Stewart
Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.
Jon Stewart
I could never wrap my head around why the world and the President that Republicans describe bears so little resemblance to the world and the President that I experience. And now I know why. There is a President Obama that only Republicans can see.
Jon Stewart
The night I turned twenty-two, I drank a shot for every year. I was so drunk, I'd just walk up to people in the bar and hit them in the balls. My friends drove me home and left me propped up on the couch holding a bucket. I woke up with vomit all over me. The bucket was clean as a whistle.
Jon Stewart
If you break someone's leg, shouldn't you have to be the crutch for a while?
Jon Stewart
Our culture is just a series of checks and balances. The whole idea that we're in a battle between tyranny and freedom - it's a series of pendulum swings.
Jon Stewart
You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
Jon Stewart
The government should stop meddling in the business of the farmers, who would actually still be living ina desert if not for government meddling.
Jon Stewart
The psychology degree is simply that I was a chemistry major, and they kept wanting the correct answer, whereas in psychology you basically write whatever you want, and chances are you get a B.
Jon Stewart
Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay.
Jon Stewart
The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!'
Jon Stewart
When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
Jon Stewart
So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.
Jon Stewart
Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.
Jon Stewart
Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
Jon Stewart
[Doogal] wasn't even animated. It was still and the audience had to move.
Jon Stewart
The wisdom of the masses is not always wise. You could put a lot of things to a vote-you could have put anti-miscegenation laws to a vote, and that would have passed pretty handily. Either all people are created equal-or they're not. You're either buying into the original premise of America-or you're not.
Jon Stewart
The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
Jon Stewart
