Quote

Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.

Jon Stewart

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Like
Sounds
Beats
Sound
Money
Give
Everything
Giving
Italian
Going
Beat

More quotes by Jon Stewart

Image
When Henry Hill [in Goodfellas] got arrested for the first time and Robert DeNiro met him at the courthouse and Henry Hill was really upset, 'cause he thought Robert DeNiro would be really mad at him. And DeNiro comes up to him and he gives him a $100 and he goes, You got pinched. We all get pinched, but you did it right, you didn't say nothing.
Jon Stewart
Image
It's very hard to feel the difficulties that the military goes through. It's very hard to feel the difficulties of military families, unless you're in that environment. And sometimes you have to force yourself to try and put yourself in other people's sort of shoes and environment to get the sense of that.
Jon Stewart
Image
Hopefully the only things off-limits are crummy jokes, but being a standup comedian, I know that's not always the case... You know it when you have to take a shower afterward.
Jon Stewart
Image
I've always run by the hierarchy of If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
Jon Stewart
Image
Never name it after yourself. Maybe we'll throw a with in there. That seems to work. Like Late Show With David Letterman.
Jon Stewart
Image
It's like hunting cows
Jon Stewart
Image
Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.
Jon Stewart
Image
People, if you can't get through the puns, I can't give you the good stuff.
Jon Stewart
Image
I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.
Jon Stewart
Image
Senator John McCain, who spent over five years in a Vietnamese POW camp, publicly releases 1,000 pages of medical records. Now people are left with only open nagging questions: what kind of freak has 1,000 pages of medical records?
Jon Stewart
Image
The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
Jon Stewart
Image
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
Jon Stewart
Image
What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.
Jon Stewart
Image
The country of Mexico has just gotten its first Taco Bell. You're Welcome. Finally, Mexicans will have access to... Mexican food. Bon appetit. I can't imagine how confused they will be when they get a taco.
Jon Stewart
Image
If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
Jon Stewart
Image
All I'm saying is [John McCain] cannot look a soldier in the eye and say Questioning the president is less supportive to you than extending your tour three months. You should be coming home to your family.
Jon Stewart
Image
I want a sandwich named after me.
Jon Stewart
Image
I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
Jon Stewart
Image
I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
Jon Stewart
Image
[John McCain] stopped connecting and just looked at my chest and decided, I'm just gonna continue to talk about honor and duty and the families should be proud, all the things that are cudgels emotionally to keep us from the conversation. But, things that weren't relevant to what we were talking about.
Jon Stewart