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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Portions
Fought
Vietnam
Size
War
Portion
More quotes by Jon Stewart
I've always run by the hierarchy of If not funny, interesting. If not interesting, hot. If not hot, bizarre. If not bizarre, break something.
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I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
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A joke is a joke. There's an expression - I don't know if you have it - that's 'adding insult to injury.'
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California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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So, is there hope for a truly democratic Africa? Long answer: Only if continent-wide improvements in education, human rights and public health are coupled with an aggressive and far-sighted debt-relief program that breaks the cycle of subsistence farming and urban squalor. Short answer: No.
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You wonder sometimes how our government puts on its pants in the morning.
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The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
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Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.
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I only find out where countries are when we start bombing them.
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
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I think the main thing that has to end is men's defensiveness.
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It's always funny until the hooker mentions her son.
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Clearly, I'm way older than everyone.
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The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.
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I mean, I'm not hoping for the apes and the monolith. I'm hoping for controlled chaos to assist us.
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The more you delve into science, the more it appears to rely on faith.
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When you think about it, Alaska is also near the North Pole, so she must also be friends with Santa.
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Child: Why on this night do we eat Hot Fudge Sundaes? Adult: To remind us that being Jewish is like having your birthday every day!! Plus they're delicious!
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