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I have the liberal dictionary right here...let's see how they define water-boarding: 'Something done by the evil troops, who we don't support, to innocent terrorists violating their rights to bomb our cities and make us get gay marriage.'

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
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Bombs
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Liberal
Water
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Violating
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The Rapture: The ultimate Republican back-up plan.
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Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay.
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I really think [the Bush Administration]'s foreign policy agenda is to spread irony through the world.
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Iran, Ireland, Israel. That's three countries, four religions that HATE each other. Way to go, 'I'.
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But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as funny as we can possibly make it. And believe me, if the show starts going down, we'll introduce a baby. We'll do everything that they did on `Family Ties.' I'm not afraid of that.
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The beautiful thing about faking a news show is the topicality is delayed.
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To have not shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
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Bad jokes, and gay marriage are destroying this country - but torture can save it.
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What are you so mad about? That we still have a government? We still have “traffic lights.” We’re sorry. The government’s not perfect, but some people wish it was better, not gone.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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The government is just you know, blowing the doors off the media. And not everywhere, and I think, this is where you know, a lot of those blog reporters and all of those things are bringing a lot of urgency and a lot of momentum to stories that wouldn't normally carry any momentum.
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I don't consider myself a serious and social political critic.
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
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The Westboro Baptist Church is no more a church than Church's Fried Chicken is a church.
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I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
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I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.
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Yon Kippur. Greatest Jewish holiday ever. The Jewish day of attonement. You don't ear for one day, all your sins for the year are wiped clean. Beat that with your little Lent. What is Lent? Forty days of absolution. Forty days to one day. Even in sin you're paying retail.
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[When you have kids] you become much more - there are two things that happen. You recognize how fragile individuals are, and you recognize the strength of the general overall group, but you don't care anymore. You're just fighting for the one thing. See and then, you also recognize that everybody, then, is also somebody's child.
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