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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Divorce
Ends
Gayness
Marriages
Caused

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Songwriting is the way of perpetual want. Songwriters are the blessed/cursed people. You will never have a moment's peace in your life. You will always be wanting the next song.
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You know if I had nickel for every time Bush has mentioned 9/11, I could raise enough reward money to go after Bin Laden.
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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.
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On an average day 7 minutes of news happens. Yet there are currently three full-time, 24-hour news networks.
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After going to war against the U.N.'s expressed wishes, the U.S. is now admitting it needs the U.N.'s help. It's the geopolitical equivalent of the 2 a.m. phone call ever parent dreads: 'Mom, I'm not saying I wrecked the car, but I need a ride home.'
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I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place.
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The problem with the Tea Party is they're all ignorant hillbillies who drink moonshine and ride around on mules. And they believe in stereotypes too.
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Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
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It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.
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If you're going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, you've also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or you're going to have rioting in the streets.
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Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality.
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Everything in Italian sounds like 'Give me your money or I'm going to beat your @$$'.
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High school. You know, people say, 'I'll never do so-and-so again' - then they do it. So what? Sometimes somebody has crack, and you're looking to stay awake.
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The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.
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We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
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The press is our immune system. If it overreacts to everything, we eventually get sicker.
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Congress is the Justin Bieber of our government
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Being a superpower is like being a Santa Claus that everyone hates.
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The President says, We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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