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Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Keep
Burgers
Hands
Wash
Must
Employees
Like
Commandments
Employee
Prevent
Putting
Burger
Crime
Piss

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You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.
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Nothing brings closure to a campaign like opening it up again.
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I think you lose your innocence when you have kids, because the world suddenly becomes a much more dangerous place.
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Pigmentation was a quick and convenient way of judging a person. One of us, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once proposed we instead judge people by the content of their character. He was shot.
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When you are actually powerful, you don't need to be petty.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
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That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.
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The reason I don’t worry about society is, nineteen people knocked down two buildings and killed thousands. Hundreds of people ran into those buildings to save them. I’ll take those odds every f*cking day.
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Ah, the first rule of public speaking -- always start with a joke.
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children's television PBS is on the house.
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Do you guys have to sell everything? I'd like to buy the Earth's core.
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The Republicans are calling the Democrats' plan to have a deadline for US troop withdrawal from Iraq an 'admission of failure', as opposed to the Republican plan which is 'failure without admission'.
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Here it is. My moment of zen.
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The Vietnam war was fought over portion size.
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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