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Don't you dare besmirch the name of Congress. They are patriotic Americans trying to dress and feed themselves.
Jon Stewart
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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Congress
Americans
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Patriotic
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Feed
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Dress
Dresses
Dare
More quotes by Jon Stewart
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Whenever you take over something that is popular and has a fanatical following that loves it, you're never going to please everyone. The trick is to have enough wherewithal to follow through with what you want to do with it and give it time to evolve.
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I thought we were out of money!? You can't simultaneously fire teachers AND tomahawk missiles.
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Must be nice to be a Republican senator sometimes, because you get the fun of breaking sh*t and the joy of complaining the sh*t you just broke doesn't work.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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Does anyone know... does the Christian persecution complex have an expiration date? Because... uh... you've all been in charge pretty much since... uh... what was that guys name... Constantine. He converted in, what was it, 312 A.D. I'm just saying, enjoy your success.
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Why did the Articles [of Confederation] fail so completely? Most historians believe the founding fathers spent a great deal of their first constitutional convention drafting the delaration of independence and only realized on July 3rd the Articles were also due.
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The best defence against bullshit is vigilance. So if you smell something, say something.
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Fire up your heart for the wind is getting cold, now it always gets cold for the riders of the night. When you carry that dream when you know what lonesome is looking for a home like a bird in flight.
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Despite his infirmities, Strom Thurmond showed up to work every day and did not miss a Senate vote in his final year, though no one is sure if a shouted 'Bingo!' counted as a yea or a nay.
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As an adolescent, Vonnegut made my life bearable.
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Get a sense of humor. If you don't, it'll be incredibly frustrating.
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By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
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Making it [St. Patrick's Day] a great day for the Irish, but just an ok day if you're looking for a quiet tavern to talk, read or have a white wine spritzer.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1.
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