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Being funny in life is a lot more like judo. It's using the energy.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Judo
Using
Funny
Energy
Life
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[He died of thirst?] That sounds, if I might say, like the greatest Sprite commercial ever.
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[Hugh Jackman is] an Adamantium-laced Fred Astaire.
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We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.
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What would Jesus, or any human being who isn't an asshole, do?
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I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
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It's not really a good sign when your audience applauds Satan.
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You cannot judge a book by its contents.
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I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
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When my syndicated show got canceled, the next day I still knew how to write jokes. That was a huge revelation. Because at first you think, I won't have any shelter! What am I gonna do? The sun is hot. Very thirsty.
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College is something you complete. Life is something you experience. So don't worry about your grade, or the results or success. Success is defined in myriad ways, and you will find it, and people will no longer be grading you, but it will come from your own internal sense of decency.
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Divorce isn't caused because 50% of marriages end in gayness.
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To me, that's where a lot of satire lies. News used to hold itself to a higher plane and slowly it has dissolved into, well, me.
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The President says, We are in the fight for a way of life. This is the greatest battle of our generation, and of the generations to come.
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McVeigh's lawyer got him the death penalty, which, quite frankly, I could have done.
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The blow back from the cold war is that a weakened Russia allowed Afghanistan to become a failed state, and then all this weaponry to flow into all these other conflicts. Our greatest triumph has almost fueled our most intractable battle now.
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If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.
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How refreshing. A suspect beaten up BEFORE the LAPD showed up.
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If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.
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If the events of September 11, 2001, have proven anything, it's that the terrorists can attack us, but they can't take away what makes us American - our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that.
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Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.
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