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Watching these channels all day is incredibly depressing. I live in a constant state of depression. I think of us as turd miners. I put on my helmet, I go and mine turds, hopefully I don't get turd lung disease.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Think
Mines
Miners
Thinking
Watching
Helmet
Mine
Channels
Constant
Lungs
Disease
Depressing
State
Incredibly
Turd
States
Depression
Turds
Live
Hopefully
Lung

More quotes by Jon Stewart

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Many of our soldiers are stationed at Camp Coyote just south of the Iraqi border. This is how you know we have a strong army, when you can actually tell your enemy exactly where your camp is and what its name is.
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I think it's just about the machine is about reporting the news, and then reporting the news about the news, and then having those moments where they sit around and go, Are we reporting the news correctly? I think we are. And then they go back to the and the cycle just sort of continues.
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We feel no obligation to follow the news cycle. In other words, I felt no obligation to cover story in anyway, because we're not like I said, we're not journalists. And at that point, there's nothing sort of funny or absurd or to say about it.
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When the court that handpicked you to be president tells you you've overstepped your bounds, you've overstepped your bounds.
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The best way to describe my ability was to say that after the game the other kids would say to me, 'Way to try!'
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I'm also interviewing a guy who's just written a book about his experience living in Iraq, faced with the type of violence as he said, an unimaginable scale. And I think that the combination of that is very hard to shake.
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Michael Brown, the director of FEMA, was nominated by President Bush in 2003 and plans to start the job any day now. ... Prior to heading FEMA, Brown spent the 90's as a commissioner -- this is true -- of the International Arabian Horse Association. I guess he stands out because most Bush appointees are beholden to Arabian people.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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You cannot judge a book by its contents.
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Watching Fox, that's like watching the Cartoon Network. Fox is nuts.
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They create these rules and argue about things we don't even understand. It is like watching soccer. You sit there and you're sort of amused, but most of the time you're thinking, pick up the ball! That's what you're thinking.
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Democrats - always standing up for what they later realize they should have believed in.
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The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
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But the main thing I don't want to be is un-funny. That's really the mandate. Just whatever we're doing, make it as funny as we can possibly make it. And believe me, if the show starts going down, we'll introduce a baby. We'll do everything that they did on `Family Ties.' I'm not afraid of that.
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It seems like Michael Vick is going to jail for dog fighting. Hopefully, they won't have guard dogs.
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I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.
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In case you're wondering what we all do here during the commercial breaks, mostly we just sit around making catty remarks about the outfits you're all wearing at home.
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If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news.
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People talk about sexual assault like it's a bad habit that men have.
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I visit Fox News every now and again, and it's nice, because the Eye of Mordor is above the building.
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