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California is choosing between the lesser of, uh, 300 evils.

Jon Stewart

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Jon Stewart
Age: 61
Born: 1962
Born: November 28
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Satirist
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Manhattan borough
New York City
Jonathan Jon Stewart
Jonathan Stuart Leibowitz
Jonathan Stewart
Evil
Lesser
Evils
Choosing
California

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I can't sing. Never been able to sing. I can't do voices very well. Every impression I do sounds the same. I can't dunk. Man, would I give anything to dunk. Just once.
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Poor Al Gore, global warming completely debunked, via the very Internet you invented.
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I feel your scorn, and I accept it.
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President Bush delivered his first State of the Union address, riding high on an 82-percent approval rating, and with Attorney General John Ashcroft dispatching agents to interview the other 18 percent.
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If we are going to amend the constitution, shouldn't it be to keep the omos-hay from arrying-may?
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I can't tell you how many times we'll run into a journalist and go, Boy that's...I wish we could be saying that. That's exactly the way we see it and that's exactly the way we'd like to be saying that. And I always think, Well, why don't you?
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The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.
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I don't trust any country that looks around a continent and says, Hey, I'll take the frozen part.
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You talk about the Pro-Life movement being one of the great shames of our nation. I think, if you want number two, I think - I think it's that. I think it's absolute - it's a travesty that people have forced someone who is gay to make their case that they deserve the same basic rights.
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I'm not trying to be modest of self-deprecating or in any way trying to do that.
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The government that governs best, governs best!
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It's always funny until the hooker mentions her son.
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I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about, and that's really it. I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change, but I am far lazier than that.
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Everyone knows if a Republican comes out of the closet and sees a gay shadow, it means six more years of a Democratic administration.
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It's a wonder our country doesn't implode.
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Putting the 10 commandments up to prevent crime is like putting 'Employees must wash hands' up to keep the piss out of your burger.
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I have great respect for people who are in the front lines and the trenches of trying to enact social change. I am far lazier than that.
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